*Before we start, I want to let you know that this particular blog post isn’t for everyone. It’s just not. Not even all married folk. In fact, I’m pretty sure the newly marrieds will think I’m just plain crazy. But those of us with quite a few years of marriage - and a little more life under our belt - this is for us. Also if you’re easily offended, please know that it not my intent and just click away.*
Can we talk about sex?
I mean it. Can we just be honest with each other for a minute?
Why aren’t more christian women talking about it?
Ladies, why aren’t we encouraging and laughing and sharing ideas about it with one another?
I mean the world is talking about it. They have LOTS of things to say about it. Lots of wrong things actually.
But us? All we seem to say is “Don’t do it until you married.”
On something an.entire.book.of.the.Bible.is.ascribed to. For heaven’s sake. I’m over it.
I don't know about you, but I want to take back what God ordained, blessed, and gifted us with from the enemy who has sought to destroy it. I want more from my marriage bed than what naturally occurs over a lifetime of unmet expectations. Boredom and indifference.
I have this crazy desire to have all God has for me laid out in scripture but people seem too embarrassed to talk about. In fact, I’m not entirely sure as I write this that it’ll be all nice and sanitary but bless it, I want more than same, routine, mundane, and obligatory sex.
And so do you.
And trust me, so do your husbands.
How do I know that?
Because God created it. And He created us for it within our marriages! Friends, let me help you….martial sex is for more than procreation - it’s for mutually satisfying recreation! And as long as you’re physically able, it’s meant to bring enjoyment over the entire length of your marriage!
In my search for Biblical answers to my own personal life’s questions, I came to the book of Song of Songs.
Friends, I am telling you - IT IS RICH!
Like it totally gives you permission to get crazy with your man. Listen to this
“Strengthen me with raisin cakes,
refresh me with apples,
for I am weak with love.
His left arm is under my head,
and his right arm embraces me.”
Song of Songs 2:5-6
What does that even mean? Check out what the notes say about that in the NLT …”The woman’s love is intense, his love is overwhelming. If the song is an anthology, the couple can be seen as married, and love making is seen as so physically exhausting that she grows faint and calls for the sustenance of raisin cakes and apples. These foods were considered aphrodisiacs in the ancient Near East.”
Ok let's get real, I may want pizza rather than raisin cakes and apples, but the point is clearly made. When is the last time you had sex that was so physically exhausting with your husband that you needed sustenance?
I feel you.
You know why? Because of foxes.
“Catch all the foxes,
those little foxes,
before they ruin the vineyard of love,
for the grapevines are blossoming!”
Song of Songs 2:15
You see the NLT notes again tell us “The “little foxes” are an example of the kinds of problems that can disturb or destroy a relationship. The lovers wanted anything that could potentially cause problems between them to be removed. Often the “little foxes” cause the biggest problems in marriage. These irritations must not be minimized or ignored but identified so that, together, the couple can deal with them.”
Seriously Bible notes rock. That’s why I go to the scriptures for answers. I JUST KNOW God has the wisdom I need. For every issue. Hey girls - God cares about our intimacy with our spouses. He cares about our hurts and He cares about our healing.
Now look, I’m no PH.D on marriage or sex or anything like that. I’m just a Bible believing girl who can clearly see foxes creeping up in all of our marriages that need to be caught. In my OWN marriage too for heaven’s sake.
So what are your foxes? In my marriage it’s distractions like the T.V., social media, financial matters, weight gain, gravity (hello.), kids, sports, hobbies, unmet expectations, past hurts, sinful choices, frustrations, etc. Anything and everything that serves as a deterrent to developing intimacy within our marriages.
Friends, we need to be battling against these foxes all.day.long.
I mean it’s like the grapevines are blossoming (see above verse), things are growing, it’s moving along and then BOOM. A fox lays waste. And intimacy? Gone.
All through the Song of Songs I see the woman initiating this intimate relationship with the man. In today’s culture, we want to be wined and dined. He had better perform baby. Be on his best behavior. And THEN we will decide if MAY-be we will allow our man to get close. But in this book, she calls to him over and over.
“Kiss me and kiss me again,
for your love is sweeter than wine.” Song of Songs 1:2
I say, TEXT THAT to your man! What the what?!
It would also appear they battled against the fox of sameness. “Take me with you; come, let’s run!” (she says) Song of Songs 1:4. The NLT note says “the two lovers are very active throughout the Song, traveling to the hills, the city, and out to the country. This time the woman invites the man to take her away with him, and urgently expresses her desire!”
Sameness is a fox that seems to rear it ugly head the most often, isn’t it? I mean seriously, why aren’t we inviting our man to a night out in the city, or to a Bed and Breakfast in the country? Shoot, be like King Solomon and his bride and find a secluded place in the woods. Not my thing, I mean, I’m not very woodsy - but you get the idea. Do something different! Sameness is boring. Sorry not sorry. It’s time to liven things up girlfriends.
“My lover said to me,
“Rise up, my darling!
Come away with me, my fair one!
Look, the winter is past,
and the rains are over and gone.
The flowers are springing up,
the season of singing birds has come,
and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.”
Song of Songs 2:11-12
The notes say “When the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone, the stimulating and invigorating sights, sounds, and smells or spring energize romantic feelings.”
Friends, you may be in a winter season of intimacy. That's fine. But when we read scriptures on how to pursue the kind of intimacy God presents between a man and his wife, we find that isn’t reserved for those just newly married. It’s for us too. Quite frankly, it can be better. New, AGAIN. And when we begin to embrace that and put some of these ideas into practice I’m convinced we will begin to sense a metaphorical spring rising up in our own marriage relationships.
In the Song of Songs, you will see the young woman often being encouraged by her girlfriends in the romance department. This is so important. This is what we should be doing with one another and is why I’m even writing this post. Let’s remove the shroud of secrecy and embarrassment and encourage one another! Get creative with your man! Flirt with him. Text him. Kiss him like you mean it!
And call to him sweet friend. Bring on the spring!
“I am my lover’s.
I’m all he wants. I’m all the world to him!
Come, dear lover—
let’s tramp through the countryside.
Let’s sleep at some wayside inn,
then rise early and listen to bird-song.
Let’s look for wildflowers in bloom,
blackberry bushes blossoming white,
Fruit trees festooned
with cascading flowers.
And there I’ll give myself to you,
my love to your love!”
Song of Songs 7:11-13